


'cause you're water twelve feet deep (and i'm boots made of concrete)

by azul (7daysoftorture)



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Identity Reveal, M/M, Secret Identity, shinichi's lowkey having an internal crisis, soft kaishin, whipped shinichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 06:56:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16012637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7daysoftorture/pseuds/azul
Summary: As it turns out, if you fall for someone once, you will fall for them again. Or maybe Shinichi's life just has a way of turning the weirdest situations into wonderful wonderful things.-//-"And then what? Will you finally tell Kuroba-kun?"Shinichi shrugs. "I'm not sure. I do want to tell him, though. I just haven't figured out how to broach the subject."She snorts. "Yeah, I can see how that would be troublesome.""Well, I'll see when the time comes," he says, grabbing another paper."As is the Kudou Shinichi modus operandi, because it has always worked out so well before."





	'cause you're water twelve feet deep (and i'm boots made of concrete)

**Author's Note:**

> hakuba appears more times than planned bc i'm weak...enjoy!

It really sucks to be 6 again when you have a whole criminal organization to catch and need to find a cure to get your body back to normal, but Shinichi managed all that in the end, even if the bullet wound on his shoulder was terrible to deal with.

What he hates the most about his shrinking ordeal is the fact that he has to lie to Kaito about it, even if it's mostly just him omitting some details when Kaito asks him about things he did during those two years he spent as a child - those details being that he looked around 6 years old and went by a completely different name.

He likes to think of himself as an honest person, really, but two years pretending to be someone else were bound to make him a better liar, and he's wary about telling Kaito some ridiculous story about being shrunken by an evil organization (whose capture didn't even make it to the papers due to security risks to the ones who took part in its taking down, namely Shinichi) no matter how true it actually is.

The only thing that seems to ease his guilt about lying is the fact that he's 95% sure that Kaito is also hiding something from him.

He knows Kaito's a good person - he wouldn't be dating him if he thought otherwise - and he's known him long enough to be sure that, whatever secret he has, at least it's not that he's going around secretly killing people. He  _hopes_  whatever Kaito's doing isn't anything illegal either, even if it's not murder, but despite his very steady moral compass, Shinichi's learned to explore all the gray areas around it - and he's probably fallen so hard for Kaito that his standarts have dropped to  _'as long as he's not hurting anyone'_.

It's maybe a little weird.

"Hakuba called me while we were watching the movie, by the way," Shinichi says, scratching out one of the suspects' name off of the list he's written on his notepad. The nurse has a clear alibi and no motives, so unless she's a criminal mastermind with a secret identity then she isn't the culprit. "I haven't called him back yet. Do you know what he wanted?"

"He called you?" Kaito asks, not looking up from the book of cross words he's using to pass the time until Aoko calls them for dinner. "I don't think he called me, so maybe it's detective business."

They're lying on Kaito's bed, the covers pulled up because they need the window open to hear when Aoko calls them and the room is chilly from the night air coming through it. Shinichi's warm and comfortable but he's pretty sure his nose is turning red from the cold.

He buries his face in Kaito's hair and breathes in, his shampoo smells like roses, and it always reminds Shinichi of-

"Dinner's ready!" Aoko calls, startling them both.

Shinichi lets go of Kaito and they both rush to disentangle themselves from the sheets before making their way downstairs.

The Nakamori household is always inexplicably warm, even though the windows are open most of the time whenever Shinichi comes over. When he asks them about it, Kaito and Aoko always say  _"it's been like that since forever"_ , which answers exactly nothing.

"Did you lock the doors?" Shinichi asks as he pulls up both of their chairs. He bites his lip to keep from smiling when Kaito beams at him for the gesture, and sits down.

"I did," Kaito says, sitting down as well. "Even though I'd love for KID-sama to come over."

Shinichi snorts. "I'm pretty sure he likes challenges, not unlocked doors ready for entry."

Something Shinichi found out early on in their relationship is the fact that Kaito is KID's biggest fan, only rivaled by Suzuki Sonoko herself. It brings a sort of irony into it because before Kaito came along with his charming smile and pretty eyes and made Shinichi fall head over heels for him, the one Shinichi used to fantasize about was KID.

He hasn't gone to a single heist since he got his body back, determined to get over his pointless feelings for the thief, but there's always going to be something about KID that lights a fire in him. He loves Kaito with all his heart, but KID's his cookie crumb - that little cookie crumb that refuses to get on the shovel no matter how much you try to sweep it up.

Shinichi hates it. Why couldn't it have been Ran, who's nice and sweet and actually a reasonable person to be hung up over, unlike KID, who's a freaking international criminal with a record.

One day, he'll get the courage to confess to Kaito that he has a thing for KID, and they'll laugh about it like those couples that laugh about each other's weird celebrity crushes. Though they'll only get to laugh about it because for Kaito, KID is an unreachable, faraway character, just like a celebrity. He'll never tell him that KID used to be a familiar presence in Shinichi's life when he was Conan, because even if now he's just an echo, out of view but always there in the background, he's sure Kaito wouldn't be happy knowing Shinichi's lingering feelings aren't just a result of an innocent crush on an imagined ideal of what KID's personality would be like, but an actual product of spending time with the thief himself.

Sometimes he wonders if the reason he fell for Kaito was all the similarities he shares with KID. He could chalk it up to his paranoia, but from time to time, he sees Kaito smirk and gets reminded of KID running over rooftops and grinning like he's having the time of his life slipping through the fingers of everyone chasing after him.

He hopes it's just because he has a type, but years of being in love with Ran debunk that excuse, so he mostly just tries not to think about it. Thinking about KID is never a good idea. 

"Hakuba-kun called," Aoko says as she starts to serve up dinner. Inspector Nakamori is out working, so it's just the three of them tonight. Shinichi had never really thought about it before he started dating Kaito and became more familiar with the Nakamori family, but Nakamori Ginzo does have other jobs besides trying to arrest KID. It looks like all he does is chase after KID, though, from an outsider's point of view, so the first time he wasn't present at dinner and Aoko had told Shinichi he was working, he'd blurted out,  _"there's a KID heist tonight?"_ and sent Kaito into a laughing fit.

"He called me too," Shinichi says, sharing a confused look with Kaito. Why would Hakuba call Aoko as well, but not Kaito?

"He asked if you guys wanted to go to the jewel display tomorrow."

Shinichi frowns. "You mean the KID heist?"

Aoko shifts in her seat and nods.

For the past three years, Shinichi's only seen KID through a TV screen, and the last time he spoke with him he'd still been Conan, and they'd both been handcuffed to a metal railing in an abandoned building with a ticking time bomb five feet away from them. KID's the reason they both got out of there alive, as Shinichi had been concussed and barely conscious at the time, but he never got to thank KID for that, or tell him goodbye, or even inform him that he wasn't actually being outsmarted by a 7 year old. It's always felt like unfinished business, and Shinichi often wonders what it'd be like to meet KID again.   
He hadn't expected the dangerous opportunity to come so soon, though.   
  
"Why didn't Hakuba call me? He has my number." Kaito asks, narrowing his eyes at Aoko. "Why is he even inviting us in the first place?"

Aoko tries and positively fails at affecting an innocent expression. "He's just being nice, Kaito."

Kaito stares at her for a moment. "We'll go," he says slowly. "But only if Shinichi wants to."

Shinichi has never known Hakuba to do something just to be nice, which means he must have some reason behind asking them to attend the heist. Kaito must be thinking the same.

He turns to Aoko and scratches his cheek in thought. He wants to avoid KID for fear of buried feelings coming to the surface, but his curiosity easily wins against that desire. "It's alright with me."

Kaito fills his cheeks with air and rolls his head back, blowing it out all at once. "Okay," he says, dragging a hand through his hair, "he can count us in."

Aoko beams, lightly clapping her hands. "Great! I'll tell Hakuba-kun!"

"I'm sure he'll be ecstatic," Kaito grumbles under his breath.

 

\--------------

 

The jewel KID is planning to steal is being displayed at a gallery Shinichi's never been to before, but despite the unfamiliarity of his surroundings, the moment he steps into the building he gets flooded with a nostalgic warmth that brings heat to his cheeks. The officers standing around the room, the jewel on full display inside a glass container, the sparkling ceiling lights shining on it like a beacon. Everything screams KID heist, and Shinichi hadn't realized just how much he missed this until now.

He presses a hand against his chest, feeling his racing heart, and finally admits this might've been a bad idea.

"You've never been to a KID heist before, have you?" Kaito asks. He's standing next to Shinichi, and his college backpack makes him stand out like a sore thumb due to its bright orange color. He insisted on bringing it for reasons Shinichi can't comprehend, but accepts as just another one of Kaito's weird eccentricities.

"Yeah," Shinichi lies. "You must be pretty used to this, though. Mr.Number one fan."

Kaito laughs. "Yeah, I'm definitely used to this," he says.

According to Nakamori, the heist is supposed to start at 9pm on the dot; it's currently 8:56pm, meaning KID must already be in the building. Shinichi looks around, heart pounding with uncontrollable excitement. This is the closest he's been to KID in three years, it feels unreal.

To anchor himself, he grabs Kaito's hand and squeezes it tight. The room is getting hotter and he doesn't know if it's him, or the heating system. He hopes it's the latter.

"I thought it would be harder to find you but I see I needn't have worried." 

They turn around and find Hakuba pointedly looking at Kaito's backpack. Seems like at least someone else agrees with Shinichi on how unnecessarily eye-catching it is.

"Hello, Hakuba."

Hakuba nods at him, a small smile on his face. "Kudou-kun."

"Hakuba." Kaito releases Shinichi's hand and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning closer to Hakuba, so much that they're almost nose to nose. "Whatever you wanted to come out of inviting us. It won't."

The light reflects off of Hakuba's wristwatch as he lifts it up and smirks. "Let's not get into it right now, the heist is about to start." He looks at Shinichi. "And maybe I just genuinely wanted Kudou-kun to come to a KID heist. I hear he's never been to one before."

Kaito leans back, a look of surprise on his face. "You..."

Hakuba smiles fondly. "For such a brave guy, you can be a scaredy cat sometimes."

Kaito scowls, digging his hands into his pockets. "You and Aoko need to stop meddling."

Hakuba shrugs and taps his watch. "Pay attention," he whispers, and the last thing Shinichi sees before the lights go out is his knowing smirk.  

 

\--------------

 

Shinichi promised himself he wouldn't get pulled into the excitement of the heist,but he's always been terrible at keeping promises, and the moment KID disappears around the corner he takes off after him.

He follows KID into one of the rooms of the top floor, and the lights coming through the windows momentarily blind him. He throws an arm over his head. "KID!" he calls desperately, eyes squinting into the light. "Wait!"

KID hesitates, the wind making his cape flow out next him. Bathed in light, he looks like something from another world, the whole front of his body shadowed as he faces Shinichi.

"Detective?" KID asks.

Shinichi's breath catches in his throat. "I," he starts to say, but stops himself.

What can he possibly say to KID, who doesn't even know who he is or why he's so desperate to talk to him. He's imagined it countless times before, saying  _I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I wish we'd had more time together. I wish I could've told you who I was. I wish we'd met under different circumstances. I wish things had ended differently._  But he can't voice any of those thoughts. It's been so long, he doesn't even know if he feels them anymore; because if things had gone differently, if he'd told KID who he was, maybe he wouldn't have met Kaito, and Kaito is possibly the best thing that's ever happened to him.

He sighs, dropping his hand to his side. "It's...nothing." He looks away from KID. "I just...missed this," he whispers.

"What?" KID says and moves as if to come closer, but a loud shout, unmistakably Nakamori's, echoes down the hallway. "KIIIIID!!!"

KID laughs, releasing his glider. "Sorry, we'll have to cut this short!" He steps up on the window sill and looks over his shoulder at Shinichi. "See you next time, Detective?"

And Shinichi can do nothing but nod as he jumps out the window.

He runs over to where KID had been standing just as Nakamori and his entourage fall all over themselves to enter the room. He watches as the white glider gets smaller and smaller in the distance, and presses a palm to his chest.

He knows that coming to the heist was a mistake, so why is his heart begging for him to come back.

 

\--------------

 

"Where did you disappear to?" Kaito asks him when Shinichi finally finds him standing outside the gallery with Hakuba.

Shinichi scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. "I sort of... took off after KID."

"Oh?" Hakuba asks, looking sideways at Kaito. "You saw KID?"

Between all the smoke and glitter, it's understandable that most of the people in the room wouldn't have noticed him - this seems to have been one of those heists where KID comes and goes as he pleases - but Shinichi has a sixth sense when it comes to KID, or so Haibara likes to say.

Shinichi nods. "Yeah, I followed him up to the last floor but he jumped out the window before I could say-" he coughs. "I mean, before I could catch him."

Kaito gives him an odd look but turns his attention away when Hakuba pokes him on the side. "What?" he hisses.

Hakuba raises an eyebrow. "Well, Kudou-kun got to see KID, while you, his number one fan, got lost in the smoke and only just managed to stumble outside of the building like a lost chicken."

Kaito makes a face at him. "I'll see KID-sama next time, don't worry."

"Oh? So you're coming to the next heist too? That's nice to know."

Kaito looks away and mutters something under his breath before saying, "Yeah, whatever."

Hakuba snorts.

Shinichi knows he's definitely missing something, but Hakuba and Kaito always talk like there's some underlying meaning to their words that only the two of them know, and it's impossible to crack it without the years of friendship they share.

"By the way, Kudou-kun." Hakuba turns away from Kaito. "How has Conan-kun been? I take it you've been in contact with him."

Shinichi nods.

It's not the first time Hakuba has asked him this, he developed some kind of fondness for Shinichi's alias after meeting him a couple of times. It's a real mystery to Shinichi how that came to be, though, considering they didn't interact all that much even when they met each other.

"He's been well," Shinichi says, and watches as Kaito, who'd been grumbling to himself, tunes back into the conversation.

"Is he coming to visit soon? You've been saying since last year that he would, but something always comes up," he says with an unnecessary pout.

The thing is, the only reason Hakuba knows about Shinichi's supposed connection to Conan is because Kaito told him about it. Shinichi isn't sure  _how_  Kaito found out about Conan's existence, it's not like he actually has any photos with the younger version of himself lying around the house, and he'd never talked about Conan before Kaito started mentioning him, but he suspects Ran might have had something to do with it - she tends to talk about Conan from time to time and get a little teary eyed.

The weirdest part about it is that even though he's never met Conan before, Kaito seems to have grown endeared enough to him through Ran(?)'s stories to now continuously pester Shinichi about when 'his cousin' will come to visit. The answer is obviously never, but he can't exactly tell Kaito that, so Shinichi's had to get really creative with his lies lately.

"His great-grandmother died so they're taking care of the funeral right now, it really isn't the best time for him to come visit us." Shinichi says, fiddling with his shirt's collar. "Besides, classes will be starting again soon and you know he can't miss school just to come visit us."

Kaito makes a displeased face but nods in understanding. "I wouldn't want him to fail, of course."

"I'm sure even if he missed a few days he's a smart enough kid to keep up with his classmates," Hakuba says, and it would be flattering if Shinichi were an actual 10 year old, but instead it just sounds strangely insulting.

"Maybe during spring break," Shinichi says, knowing he'll have to come up with another excuse when that time comes.

Kaito looks around and sighs. "Well," he says. "There's no point in staying here now that KID-sama is gone." He hikes his backpack higher over his shoulder and makes grabby hands at Shinichi. "Let's get going, yeah?"

Shinichi snorts, easily intertwining their fingers together. "Bye, Hakuba."

Hakuba nods. "It was nice seeing you."

Kaito reaches over and pulls on Hakuba's cheek. "Yes, I'm sure."

Hakuba slaps his hand away and scowls, rubbing at his red cheek. "How classy of you."

Kaito laughs. "You know me!"

Shinichi shakes his head at them and starts walking around the crowd of people still gathered in front of the gallery, pulling Kaito along, who quickly falls into step with him and twists his body back to wave at Hakuba like a little kid. Shinichi peeks over his shoulder and sees Hakuba waving back with a small fond smile on his face.

It really is hard to understand, these two's relationship. 

 

\--------------

 

The "first time" Shinichi met Hakuba, they'd both been called to consult on a particularly gruesome case, a maid had been sliced open from front to back, and the skin of her hands had been stripped from her body and left to hang outside with the rest of her employer's laundry. It'd been terrible, made even the most stoic officers at the scene look pale, and had taken two whole weeks to solve. He remembers thinking _"You don't go through something like this together without becoming somewhat close"_. And they did.

Shinichi didn't hear about Kaito until his second week of texting back and forth with Hakuba. Apparently, Kaito had shown up at Hakuba's house with a bag of dried up leaves and a sketchbook, claiming he was bored and needed Hakuba's help in making a collage book for Aoko, who Hakuba simply referred to as 'Inspector Nakamori's daughter' at the time. Hakuba had complained about it at length. He complained about Kaito a lot, really.

Shinichi quickly started to associate the name Kuroba Kaito with 'Hakuba's annoying magician friend(?)', and the more Hakuba talked about him, the more Shinichi questioned how they could possibly be friends when they had such clear distinct personalities. He didn't understand and he didn't care enough to try and figure it out, and as such, with this vague image of an annoying magician in his head, Shinichi had been completely unprepared to meet Kuroba Kaito face to face.

It'd gone like this:

Hakuba had invited him to go to a Sherlock themed shop in Ekoda, and Shinichi had jumped at the chance of a Sherlock Holmes filled afternoon.

The streets had been wet with rain, and Shinichi kept having to jump over puddles to keep his shoes from getting wet. Hakuba, on the other hand, had been completely unbothered by it, talking on and on about a case he'd solved a few days prior.

Shinichi had been listening intently when Hakuba had suddenly stopped in his tracks and craned his neck over a garden wall. "Kuroba-kun?" he'd said.

Shinichi had immediately recognized the name and moved to look over the wall as well, following Hakuba's gaze and not really knowing what to expect but definitely not expecting to see Kuroba Kaito stretching up against a garden tree to pet a black cat resting on a low branch.

 _Long legs_ , had been his first thought. And then Kaito had turned around and Shinichi's brain had shut down completely.

"Hakuba?" Kaito had said. His gaze moved from Hakuba to Shinichi and his eyes widened. "Kudou Shinichi?"

Shinichi hadn't known what to do except for nodding. "Kuroba Kaito, the magician friend," he'd said, making sure to leave out the 'annoying' part.

Kaito had laughed, as if he'd said a joke, and it'd sent a shiver down Shinichi's spine.  "Uh...I should really get going or Aoko will kill me." He'd stepped forward then, offering a hand for Shinichi to take over the wall. "It was nice to finally meet you, though. Hakuba talks about you a lot."

Shinichi still remembers the feel of Kaito's hand in his, soft and calloused all at once, and how he'd smelled like roses.

"He talks about you too."

Kaito had poked his tongue out at Hakuba and said, "See you at Aoko's next weekend," and then he'd ran up to the tree, petted the cat twice on the head, waved back at them and quickly jumped over the opposite garden wall, disappearing from view.

Shinichi recalls that for a moment, as he stared at the space where Kaito had been standing, he'd compared him to a hurricane in his head.

"What an idiot," Hakuba had snorted, and Shinichi had turned to him, still stunned, and said, "You're  _terrible_  at describing people, you know that?"

"I said he was annoying, not  _boring_."

And, well, Hakuba had been right. He'd certainly never said Kuroba Kaito was boring. 

 

\--------------

 

 

Shinichi's not in love with KID.

He knows this because what he has with Kaito is real. It might not be wild or exhilarating, but it's soft and careful, warm and tender. And Shinichi might like the thrill of the chase, but he'd pick Kaito over all of it every time. Their relationship is normal, like every other couple in love, but it's exciting in its own way, and Shinichi has never, not for a second, gotten tired of it. He knows who Kaito is and Kaito knows who he is, and Shinichi's so madly in love with him it's ridiculous. 

Despite all that, Shinichi also knows who KID is. He's a good person who rescues puppies and helps children, and Shinichi can almost imagine him in his daily life helping an old lady cross the street. KID is kind and inherently good, and that's what has always drawn Shinichi to him, like a moth to a flame. There's a limit to how much you can long for someone who doesn't seem real most of the time, though, and Shinichi reached that limit long ago. He thinks that half of the appeal was the fact that KID was so elusive, unreachable. Shinichi wanted to unravel him, strip him of all his disguises, find out who he was at the core.

It didn't feel real and yet it was, all at once. He doesn't know how to explain that sort of feeling without getting his words all mixed up, but knowing KID kept him grounded, knowing he was there, that he existed, as if in his own plane of existence, untouchable by all things bad while everything else seemed to be falling apart. He was like a light in the dark in Shinichi's worst moments.

So no, he's not in love with KID, but sometimes he wishes he could meet him just one last time and tell him that he almost was, that he could've been.

It's all wishful thinking, he knows, because after last time there's no way he can go to another heist. These feelings should stay buried. 

"There's a KID heist next week, and I told Hakuba we'd go."

"You told Hakuba  _what_?" Shinichi says, snapping out of his thoughts. Kaito is standing by the doorway, scraping the bottom of a pudding cup with a spoon and looking like he's said nothing wrong. "Why didn't you ask me?"

"I thought you liked the last one," Kaito says, looking up in confusion. He steps into the room and sits down next to Shinichi. "Sorry. I didn't realize you wouldn't want to go." He holds the cup between his knees and puts the spoon in his mouth, shifting in his seat to pull his phone out of his back pocket. "I'hh tewll Hagguba we alen't gfoing afther all," he says.

Shinichi pulls the spoon from his mouth, annoyed. "If you speak like that I won't be able to understand you."

Kaito taps on his phone and brings it up to his ear. "I said I'm calling Hakuba."

"What?" Shinichi takes the phone from him and turns off the call. "You've already told him we're going, don't go back on your word."

"You're the one who doesn't want to go," Kaito says, taking the spoon back from him and going back to scraping the bottom of the pudding cup. It's mostly empty at this point, and Shinichi wishes he would just get a new one if he's so desperate to eat more.

"I hate breaking plans, that's all," Shinichi says, looking away. He did it to Ran enough times to last him a lifetime, he won't let himself fall back into that habit ever again. "Now that you've said we're going, we should go."

Kaito shrugs, eating the little bit of pudding he managed to scoop onto his spoon. "Okay." He throws the empty cup and spoon on the table in front of them and taps Shinichi on the nose, laying back on his lap. "You've got some weird hang-ups, Shinichi."

Shinichi looks down at him, pinching his cheek. "You've got some weird hang-ups too," he says, and brings a hand up to Kaito's head, weaving his fingers through his hair, "but you've never heard me complain."

Kaito laughs, nudging his head closer and closing his eyes. His eyelashes are so long, Ran would say it's unfair but Shinichi thinks they fit him perfectly. The way they always brush his cheeks when they kiss makes his heart flutter wonderfully.

"You do complain, all the time!"

"Oh, well," Shinichi says, scratching him behind the ears and smiling when Kaito lets out a satisfied sigh. "You're still not allowed to complain about mine."

"I thought you were on the side of justice. That doesn't seem very fair..."

Shinichi tilts his head. "Should I stop scratching your head, then? Since you never scratch mine."

"No! Forget what I said. It's all very fair, really!"

He snorts and slides his fingers down the sides of Kaito's face, bringing them up to his eyebrows and down his nose bone. "Who's a good boy?" He jokes, and Kaito slaps him on the shoulder. "Why is KID having another heist so soon, though? It's only been around 2 weeks since the last one."

Kaito absently brushes his hair off his forehead, shrugging. "Maybe another jewel he wants to steal showed up?"

"Maybe." Shinichi tickles the back of his neck and watches in delight as he squirms in place. "Why do you think he steals jewels only to give them back?"

Kaito grabs his hand and places it back on top of his head. "No tickling," he scolds, and Shinichi chuckles and starts massaging his scalp again. "I don't know, for the thrill?"

"No, it can't be just that." Shinichi spent enough time with KID to know he was looking for something, and that he didn't seem to know exactly what it was, or what it looked like. "I think he's looking for a specific jewel."

Kaito opens his eyes. "How do you know so much about KID-sama? I thought you'd never gone to his heists before," he says, giving Shinichi a searching look.

Shinichi looks away and bites his tongue. He wishes he could tell him, but he can't yet. Not before he...

"I've just always been sort of interested in him, and you know Conan was known as the KID killer, so of course I'd have some knowledge on the guy."

He chances a glance at Kaito and sees that he's closing his eyes again, apparently accepting that excuse. "Well, if you want to know anything about him you can always ask me. I'm his biggest fan, after all," he says, letting out a hum of pleasure when Shinichi twirls the curls at his nape between his fingers.

"Yeah, I'll remember that," Shinichi says, and doesn't tell him he probably knows more about KID than Kaito does. 

 

\--------------

 

"You should tell Kuroba-kun about what happened to you," Haibara says for the nth time. "It's about time you do it, you guys have been dating for a year."

"I don't think he's ready," Shinichi tells her.

Haibara snorts. "You'll never think he's ready at this rate."

Shinichi picks one of the stickers Haibara stuck to the edge of the table and sticks it on the oversized dress shaped cardboard on the table.

"What do you want me to say? I don't get why you keep bringing this up when you know I can't do it yet."

Haibara grabs another one of the stickers and sticks it next to his. "I keep bringing it up because you're not avoiding it because you think he's not ready. You're avoiding it because  _you're_  not ready." She grabs a pair of scissors and starts cutting up one of the blank papers on the table into a square. "Just admit you're afraid of rejection, even though it doesn't make sense at all in this situation. Worst case scenario he doesn't believe you and thinks you're a little crazy, which isn't even a lie considering all the stunts I've seen you pull."

Shinichi grabs the other pair of scissors and picks up a yellow paper with a circle drawn in red. It's a little weirdly shaped, so he thinks one of the kids must have done it.

"I'm not crazy. And I'm not afraid of rejection." He starts cutting the circle out. "I've thought about it plenty of times, I know what the worst case scenario is." He smears glue on the circle's back and glues it to the bottom of the cardboard dress, pressing a hand over it to smooth out the edges. "It's just...hard to talk about it to someone who hasn't figured it out on their own. We spent so long lying, it's hard to give the truth up just like that." And besides, he has something else he needs to do first.

Haibara hums in understanding. "I get that, Kudou-kun. But you won't be able to hide it forever and the longer you keep it from him, the worst it will be when he finally finds out." She grabs another paper from the table and starts cutting it into a triangle. "Such a huge secret...he might feel hurt that you didn't trust him with it."

He rubs his palms together and starts picking out the little balls of glue on his skin. "You're right," he sighs.

"Aren't I always?"

He flicks her on the arm. "What am I going to do about the KID heist, though?"

She pauses in her work and looks at him with a frown. "Wait, I didn't hear anything about this. You're going to the KID heist?"

Shinichi nods, scrunching up his nose. "It was Kaito's idea. He assumed I liked them after the last time we went."

She makes a face at him. "You went to a KID heist...with Kuroba-kun?"

He drags the back of his hand through his forhead. "I know," he groans. "I thought I'd told you about it."

They usually call each other at least once a week to talk about what's going on in their lives; they spent so much time together that now it's become almost a need to keep tabs on what the other is doing. Some would call it weird, but this is probably the least problematic thing that came out of all the trauma they went through. Hattori likes to call it "friendship for dummies", because he enjoys getting kicked, apparently.

Haibara shakes her head. "You really make the worst decisions sometimes." She picks up a paper and passes it to him. "Keep being useful," she says, and starts cutting up a new paper, leaving her half cut triangle forgotten on the table. "So what? You not only went to a KID heist with Kuroba-kun once, but now you're going to another one again? Seems like a recipe for disaster."

"It went pretty well last time, though. If I just stay put this time, it'll probably be fine."

Haibara laughs. It's very weird. "You? Staying put at a KID heist? Not likely."

Shinichi shrugs. "I don't have any other plan."

"How about, pretending to be sick so you don't have to go?"

He makes a face and keeps cutting the rest of his paper. "I don't know..."

She puts her scissors down and turns to him. "I can't believe this," she says. "You actually  _want_  to go, don't you? You want to see KID!"

He bites his lip and scratches his nose. "Maybe?" he says. "It just feels like we left so many things unsaid back then."

"This," Haibara says, looking like she's finally figured him out. "This is why you don't want to tell Kuroba-kun, isn't it? You want to tell KID first?"

Shinichi looks away, uncomfortable. He hadn't planned on letting her find out, but unfortunately for him, she's as sharp as ever.

"I can't believe you, Kudou-kun. After all this time, you still...about that thief-"

"No!" he cuts her off. "This isn't about my feelings for KID!" He wipes his hands on his jeans. "I just feel like I owe him an explanation, after everything we went through together."

"Just because he helped on the take down it doesn't mean you owe him your identity."

He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. "That's not it. I don't want to tell him out of some sense of obligation." He thinks of KID, saving his life countless times, trying his best to keep him out of danger even when he knew close to nothing about what was really going on, knew close to nothing about Shinichi himself. "I just think after everything he did for me, he deserves to know the truth."

Haibara looks down at her paper and sighs. "It's your choice, Kudou-kun. I just hope it's the right one."

"I hope so, too," he says.

She eyes him for a moment. "And then what? Will you finally tell Kuroba-kun?"

Shinichi shrugs. "I'm not sure. I  _do_  want to tell him, though. I just haven't figured out how to broach the subject."

She snorts. "Yeah, I can see how that would be troublesome."

"Well, I'll see when the time comes," he says, grabbing another paper.

"As is the Kudou Shinichi modus operandi, because it has always worked out so well before."

He pinches her arm and she yelps. 

 

\--------------

 

An hour before the heist, Hakuba calls Shinichi to tell him he's driving Kaito there.

"Why?" Shinichi asks, switching his phone from one hand to the other, so he can use his right one to slip in his shoes. "I thought Kaito was giving me a ride."

Hakuba sighs. "Yes, he told me that as well, but it's important that I speak to him so can you please convince him to come with me? You can find some other way to get to the heist, right?"

Shinichi cocks his head to the side. "Sure, I'll tell him, but is what you need to talk to him about really that urgent?"

Hakuba makes a soft sound of frustration. "It wouldn't be if he hadn't been so stubborn for so long. Now he's changed his mind and doesn't want to talk to us about it, which is a very bad idea."

Shinichi frowns, staring down at his feet. "Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about." Is Kaito having some kind of issue? Why didn't he talk to Shinichi about it? Why does Hakuba know about it but not him? "Don't worry about me, Hakuba. I can take my car."

"You have a car?" Hakuba asks, sounding surprised. "How come I've never seen you with it before?"

Shinichi scowls. "Ran claims I'm ' _too reckless_ ' and ' _a bad driver_ '," he says. "Which is a lie. She's just a baby."

Hakuba snorts with barely concealed laughter. "Yes, I'm sure." There's the sound of a door opening and a muffled noise, before he adds, "I'm getting in the car, don't forget to call Kuroba-kun. I'll be at his place soon and I'd appreciate it if he didn't pull some kind of intruder prank on me."

"I don't think he has anything like that set up," Shinichi tells him.

"Maybe not for you." He hears the sound of a car engine coming to life. "I'll be going now. Don't forget to call him!"

"I won't!" Shinichi laughs. "I'll call him right after you hang up."

"Bye, then."

"Bye."

As soon as the call ends, Shinichi pulls up Kaito's contact info, but his thumb hesitates over the call button.

He doesn't understand why Kaito would hide something from him that is clearly worrying his friends. Is it not something he can talk to Shinichi about? They've always been open with each other, but even then Shinichi has been keeping Conan a secret. Could this be related to the thing he suspects Kaito to be hiding from him? He'd always thought it was something harmless but maybe he'd been too naive. Maybe Kaito's in some sort of trouble and afraid to tell him about it.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

He presses the button.

It takes Kaito four rings to pick up. "Shinichi?" he says, sounding out of breath.

Shinichi snorts, trying to act like his talk with Hakuba hasn't filled his mind with doubts. "What were you doing? Sit-ups in the living room?"

Kaito laughs. "Something like that."

Shinichi slides his hand down his shirt to smooth out the wrinkles, and puts his phone on speaker, resting it on the stairs. "Hakuba said he's driving you to the heist," he says, grabbing his coat from the hanger and slipping it on.

Kaito groans and it sounds like static coming through the phone. "I thought I told him no. I'm driving  _you_  to the heist."

"You did tell him no," Shinichi says. "But he says he has important stuff to talk to you about so I told him I'd drive myself to the heist."

"He told you that?" Kaito asks in a strangled voice, and then, "You'll  _what_?" 

Shinichi picks up the phone and turns off the speaker mode. "I'll drive myself there. It'll be fine."

And frankly, he thinks Kaito ought to be more worried about himself and whatever he's hiding from him than about Shinichi's driving skills.

"I thought Mouri-chan took your car keys away," Kaito says.

"She took  _one_  of the pairs."

"Just be careful, okay?"

"I'm always careful."

"No, you're not."

Shinichi ignores him, opening his front door and stepping outside. "I'm leaving now. I was planning to grab a coffee before you came to get me but I guess I'll do that later once I'm with you, since Hakuba is already on his way to your place." He closes the door behind him and starts to make his way out to where his car is parked.

"He's already on his way?" Kaito asks. "Why is he so early? There's an hour until the heist starts!"

"I assume it's because he wants to talk to you, remember?"

Shinichi can feel Kaito's scowl through the phone. "Why is he like this...?"

"He was your friend first, don't ask me."

Kaito sighs. "Well, I need to go get ready then." Shinichi hears his steps echoing through his empty house and suddenly desperately wishes he were there with him. "See you later. Love you."

His chest burns with worry. "Yes. Love you too."

 

\--------------

 

When Kaito and Hakuba arrive at the heist location, Shinichi has already talked to inspector Nakamori and found out what exactly it is that they're planning to do to keep KID from taking the jewel.

He's not going to interfere this time, even if he thinks their plan is useless and doomed to fail. Today he has more important things to worry about. First: Kaito's  possibly-dangerous secret and Second: the fact that he's decided to finally tell KID about his identity.

In all honesty, what he really wants to do is tell Kaito the truth. But he can't do that without telling KID first, because it seems unfair to tell Kaito about it before KID, who has been around for much longer and should've found out years ago. Not to mention the fact that he thinks KID would be much more affected by this revelation than Kaito, considering he actually knew Shinichi when he was Conan and always perceived him as just a really smart little kid.

"Kudou-kun, did you wait long?" Hakuba asks. He's holding a cup of coffee in each hand, and he holds one out for  Shinichi.

"Oh, thanks. And no, don't worry, I got here not too long ago," Shinichi says, taking the cup from him and peeking behind him to check for his missing boyfriend.

"He's sulking a bit," Hakuba says, noticing Shinichi's searching gaze. He points to the edge of the crowd and Shinichi finally sees Kaito, trudging at a much slower pace than Hakuba had, with his hands in his pockets and a sour expression on his face.

Shinichi looks back at Hakuba. "What exactly did you two talk about?"

Hakuba smiles. "You'll find out soon enough."

It really only serves to make Shinichi's curiosity grow, but at least it eases his worries a little. If it were something serious, Hakuba wouldn't be smiling like he finds it somewhat funny.

He takes another look at Kaito and snorts. "Why is he bringing his ugly backpack again. Is that his heist ritual or something?"

The bright orange is so eye-catching people would probably be giving it more looks of distaste if it weren't for the fact that Kaito's attractive enough to distract them from how terrible his backpack choices are.

"Something like that," Hakuba says, and Shinichi gets a weird sense of deja-vu.

The lights start slowly dimming as Kaito finally reaches them, courtesy of inspector Nakamori and his terrible plan. "What's going on?" he says, looking around in confusion as he steps closer to Shinichi and discreetly kisses him on the corner of the mouth.

Hakuba shrugs and Shinichi points at Nakamori. "Let's just say KID won't have much trouble getting the jewel this time."

Hakuba makes a face. "I'll go check what they're up to." He very obviously elbows Kaito on the side and nods towards Shinichi. Kaito steps on his foot and Hakuba elbows him again, smiling at Shinichi one last time before leaving them to go talk to the officers.

"Uh," Shinichi says. "What was that?"

Kaito shrugs, looking away. "Don't mind him, he's just being weird as usual." He scratches his cheek awkwardly. "Anyway, what did you mean by KID would have it easy this time? Didn't you chase him last time? With you around he's bound to have a hard time."

Shinichi allows the subject change only because of what Hakuba told him earlier. If Kaito's going to tell him what's going on soon, there's no point in forcing it out of him and possibly upsetting him.

"I won't try to catch KID," Shinichi assures him. "I'll just...enjoy the heist."

Kaito gives him an odd look but doesn't say anything.

"And, by the way, you're coming home with me tonight."

Kaito laughs. "Wow, forward." He wiggles his eyebrows and moves closer.

"Yeah, no." Shinichi pushes his face away with a snort. "I just need to talk to you about something. It's been a long time coming, actually."

Kaito's happy expression crumbles and Shinichi suddenly realizes how that sounded.

"I'm not breaking up with you!" he rushes to say. "Kaito, I love you, there is no way..."

Kaito hides his face behind one hand. "Well, you could have phrased it better, then! Almost gave me a heart attack!"

Shinichi steps closer and wraps his arms around him. "Yeah, sorry, my fault." He pats him on the back. "What I have to talk to you about is kind of serious but it isn't to do with you, or us. You've done nothing wrong."

Kaito lets out a strangled chuckle. "Okay. Now you've just made me curious."

Shinichi pulls away and smiles. "You'll just have to wait, I guess." He pinches Kaito's nose. "You're silly if you think I'm letting you go anytime soon, though."

Kaito smiles and it lights up his whole face. Shinichi wants to press him closer and kiss his cheeks, his eyelids, his mouth. Everything about him drives Shinichi crazy, it really is ridiculous.

 

\--------------

 

KID  _does_  get the jewel really easily, as Shinichi had predicted. They really should've gone with something other than "crouch down around the jewel display and dim the lights so KID doesn't notice us", because 1. KID  _did_  notice them and 2. it generally sounds like a plan a 4 year old would come up with and as such, it was destined to fail miserably from the start.

Shinichi loses Kaito in the mess that follows the first smoke bomb that KID drops, and then KID appears in a puff, steals the jewel and runs off. Suddenly, it's a race against time to reach the roof before he does his usual  _checking the jewel under the moonlight_  routine and flies off.

Shinichi's glad when his occasional subbing in for his college's soccer team pays off and he gets there and finds KID still perched on the edge, watching as the fake hang glider flies off into the darkness of the night.

KID steps down from the ledge as if he'd been waiting for him and says, "Detective." There's an edge to his voice that Shinichi's only ever heard in moments of high tension, and even though it should serve as a warning, it only makes his traitorous heart start racing with excitement.

"KID," Shinichi says. He takes a step closer and watches carefully as KID flexes his hand twice before burrowing it in his pocket. It's an unexpected tell, and Shinichi doesn't know what to do with this newfound knowledge. "I..." he tries to speak but chokes on his words.

KID opens and closes his mouth, as if trying to say something too but losing his nerve just as he's about to do so.

Just like that, they're at a standstill, both having something to say but unable to say it.

The scent of roses reaches Shinichi, carried over from KID by the wind. It's a smell he's come to relate to both Kaito and KID, and this time the one who jumps to the front of his thoughts is Kaito, suddenly filling him with newfound determination. He told Kaito he'd talk to him tonight, so he needs to tell KID now, because breaking his word is not an option.

He takes a deep breath-

"I need to tell you something."

Shinichi stares at KID in surprise. That was supposed to be  _his_  line.

" _I_  need to tell you something," he says.

KID shifts in place, visibly unsure. "Wait, you do?"

Shinichi nods. "Why would I follow you all the way up here otherwise?"

KID stares at him for a second and then shakes his head in barely concealed amusement. "You're a detective. I'd assume you were trying to arrest me."

"And you were...waiting for me to arrest you?"

"No," KID says slowly. "I was waiting because I need to talk to you. I just said that." He waves a hand in the air. "I wasn't even sure if you'd come."

Shinichi looks down at his hands, feeling wrong footed. He didn't expect KID to also have something to tell him, he doesn't even understand why KID would want to speak to him when they've met just the one time. Could he have figured out who Shinichi is? But no, he isn't acting like he knows something, he's acting like he's  _hiding_  something. It's very disturbing, actually; seeing KID wear his heart on his sleeve. He's usually so cool and collected, Shinichi sometimes forgets there's a real person under the suit.

KID's tapping his foot on the floor, and it almost sounds like nervous fidgeting, except that it's so out of range of KID'S normal behavior, even when stressed, that Shinichi has a hard time believing it. It would take something really big to make the Kaitou KID visibly fidget, and, surely, Kudou Shinichi is not it.

"So...we both have things to say." Shinichi scratches his neck. "Want to go first?"

KID shakes his head so fast his top hat almost falls off. "Nope."

Shinichi gives him a look that probably screams, _'what' s wrong with you'_. KID looks away.

"Okay." Shinichi lets out a breath. Telling Kaito will be much harder, so this is the easy part, really. "I promised myself I'd tell you before I told...someone else, because it didn't seem fair for you not to know after everything you've done for me."

"What?" KID asks, clearly confused. "I've never done anything for-"

"Yeah, don't interrupt me or we'll never get out of here," Shinichi says.

KID nods, mimicking zipping his lips shut and throwing away the key. It's such a Kaito mannerism that Shinichi gets momentarily distracted. He can almost imagine Kaito's cheeky grin on KID's face.

He shakes his head, annoyed with himself. "As I was saying. I've been putting this off for, frankly, way too long. So here I am, finally telling you." He looks down at his feet. "A few years ago, I saw something I shouldn't have, and some...not that great guys caught me and poisoned me."

He sees KID move out of the corner of his eye but doesn't react. "The poison was supposed to kill me, but this specific poison was still in its testing period and apparently there was a very small chance that instead of dying, your body shrank." He scrubs a hand through his hair and looks up. "What I'm trying to say is, I shrank. My body became that of a six year old, and that's when I met you."

KID is motionless. Shinichi wishes he could see his face and know what kind of expression he's wearing right now. What kind of things are running through his mind.

"You're...?" KID asks in a strangled voice.

Shinichi nods. "Edogawa Conan, detective," he says, and then pretends to adjust his non-existent glasses for emphasis.

"Conan wasn't your......it was you...this whole time," KID whispers, looking down, almost like he's thinking out loud. "This is- oh my god- Shinichi, all those excuses!"

His name out of KID's mouth brings an unexpected surge of warmth to his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lip. This is really not the time to be feeling weird about his  _name_ , of all things.

"Yeah," Shinichi says, assuming he's referring to his time as Conan. "The lies kind of got away from me back then." He fiddles with his shirt's cuff. "Well, when you're over your shock, what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

KID lifts a hand up to his mouth and lets out a slightly hysterical laugh. "This is  _not_  how I expected this to go." He moves his hand from his mouth to the brim of his top hat and lifts his other hand to his monocle. "Please don't freak out."

"When do I ever-?" Shinichi pauses, eyeing KID's hands. "KID..." he starts, wary. "What are you doing?"

"I...should've told you a while ago, but Hakuba's right, when it comes to stuff like this I really am a scaredy-cat."

"But Hakuba said that to-"

"Yeah," KID says, and takes off his hat and monocle.

Shinichi blinks once, twice, then swallows. "Uh.."

Kuroba Kaito stares back at him with a wobbly smile. "Hi."

Shinichi lets out a strangled sound, something between a gasp and a yelp. "Kaito?!" He stares in shock, unable to move. "KID?!"

Kaito nods.

Shinichi takes a step forward and reaches out, pinching both his cheeks. It's real. The skin is real. It really was Kaito...this whole time...

"This...explains a lot," he lets his hands fall down to his sides and looks at Kaito, who's biting his lip so hard it's turning white. Shinichi's heart gives a pang when he realizes how scared he looks.

"I'm not breaking up with you," he says, and Kaito's shoulders drop with relief. "I can't believe I've had to say that twice today!" He points at the top hat. "I can't believe you're KID!"

Kaito cringes. "I can't believe  _you're_  Conan!"

Shinichi pinches the bridge of his nose. "Is this the secret you and Hakuba were keeping this whole time?"

"Yeah..." Kaito says. "Wait, you knew I was keeping something from you?"

Shinichi gives him a deadpan look. "You're dating a detective, Kaito."

"Right."

They fall silent, and Shinichi finally thinks of what this new revelation means. This whole time, he's been afraid that somewhere deep down he'd been comparing Kaito to KID and getting his feelings for them all mixed up, but in reality, he just fell for the same person twice.

It really seems like the sort of thing that would only happen to him.

"This is unbelievable."

Kaito tilts his head at him. "What is?"

Shinichi raises an eyebrow and smirks, bringing a finger to his lips. "It's a secret."

Kaito chuckles and starts unbuttoning the top buttons of his dress shirt. "Was this what you wanted to talk to me about tonight?"

Shinichi nods. "Did Hakuba convince you to tell me?"

"A little bit him, a little bit Aoko, a little but the fact that I'm crazy in love with you and couldn't bear to keep it from you any longer."

Shinichi steps closer to him. "You're sweet." He cups Kaito's face with his hand. "I don't know why you're doing this," he gestures to Kaito's general suited persona, "but one thing I know for sure is that KID is a good guy, so we're going to have a long talk about this when we get home and figure stuff out, okay?"

Kaito nods. "I guess Conan isn't coming to visit after all." He looks at the sky with fake pity. "His poor great-grandma."

Shinichi flicks him on the forehead, and then pulls him into his arms, planting a kiss on his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, then on his full lips. "I love you, Kuroba Kaito."

Kaito's face breaks gently into a smile. Bathed in moonlight with his windswept hair and rosy cheeks, he's the prettiest thing Shinichi's ever seen.

All the terrible things that happened to him must have been his luck holding out for this one amazing person that would change his life forever. Surely, as he lay under his covers in his room at the agency, wishing desperately to get his life back to normal and slowly losing hope that it would, something was whispering to him:  _"just you wait, something great is coming"_.

"I love you too."

 

**Author's Note:**

> this took me...longer than it should lol pls tell me if you found any typos, i proof read it a couple of times but there's still a chance i missed some. anyways, hope you enjoyed it! if u feel up for it i'd also really love to hear what your favorite parts were in the comments :'))
> 
> you can find me at:  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/wingsoutforshin)  
> [tumblr](http://bluelipgloss.tumblr.com/)


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